What do you do when God tells you “no”?
This is where I found myself several months ago – caught in between striving to do what I wanted to do for myself and wanting to be obedient to where the Lord was calling me.
I’ve had a rough outline for what I thought my life would look like ever since I was in middle school. I knew that I would graduate from college and then go on to grad school to pursue a degree in physical therapy. Maybe I’d take a year off in-between, but definitely not any more time than that. So as I approached my senior year of college, I decided that I would take a year off between undergrad and PT school and give myself time to work in a facility where I would be able to gain hands-on experience and also save up some money (grad school is expensive!). Then came time to start working on applications for PT school and it didn’t matter how hard I tried, I just couldn’t seem to make myself finish them. I’ve never been the kind of person that shies away from hard work, so this was very unusual for me. The harder I tried to work on them, the more restless and uneasy I felt. I couldn’t understand what was going on or why I was feeling the way that I did. I told God that it didn’t make any sense. I loved what I learned in school and I enjoyed working in a therapy setting – so why was I unable to do what I thought I wanted to do?
I began praying and asking God for clarity. I asked him to show me if there was something else that he wanted me to pursue, and if there wasn’t, that he would give me the drive to finish my applications. As I prayed and asked others to join in praying with me, I felt more and more like God was telling me “no” to applying to PT school. I felt really scared and confused (and, I’ll admit it, angry) because I had no back-up plan and because I had been so sure of what my next steps were. Now there was no plan. Nothing to pursue. No next step.
“Trust me.” This is what I felt God say to me over and over again. It’s a lot easier to trust God when you like the sound of what He’s telling you. It’s not so easy when you feel like God’s told you “no” to what you thought your future was supposed to be. But I knew God was right. In all of the ups and downs of life, he had never led me astray.
Let’s back up a little bit. I don’t know when the first time I heard about the World Race was, but it was several years ago. And since finding out about it, I’ve known a handful of people that have gone and I’ve loved following their journeys. Getting to live on mission in a super intentional way while traveling the world for a year!? How neat is that!? I even had several people over the years tell me that they think I should go on the World Race (shout out to my mom especially), but I always very quickly brushed aside this suggestion. “I can’t do that. I’m going straight to PT school.” “No, that doesn’t fit into my timeline.” Those were my responses. While I never told God “no” directly, I might as well have. I didn’t even consider the possibility. I knew what my future entailed and it didn’t include the World Race.
HA! Has anyone ever warned you to never tell God “no”? Yah… me too. I guess I should have taken their advice.
One day in October, I came home from church and sat on the couch. Here I was, yet again, with that now all-too-familiar feeling of uncertainty and hopelessness. Still without an answer as to what my next step should be, I began to pray for direction and the World Race popped into my head. At that instant, it was like a switch was flipped. “Maybe I am supposed to do the World Race,” I told myself. I quickly grabbed my laptop and pulled up the World Race website. I read anything and everything I could. I looked at routes, read blogs, watched videos. I felt excited by the possibility. And the funny thing was that for the first time in months, I felt peace. I felt peace about the idea of doing the very thing that for years I had been saying I couldn’t do because it didn’t fit into my plan for my life.
I decided to wait until new routes were posted in January to make my final decision and to give myself time to pray and see if this was really where God was leading me. And here I am. On a squad. Preparing to go on the World Race. My life right now looks nothing like I thought it would look like at the moment, but I’ve realized that as a Child of God, I’ve surrendered my life to Him. My life is not my own – it’s His. And if my life belongs to the Lord, then I should be obedient to follow His plans for me rather than my own plans for myself.
What happens after the race? I don’t know. Maybe the “no” to PT school was a temporary “no” and maybe I’ll get to step towards that after I’m back. Or maybe God will lead me in a completely different direction. I’m not sure, but I’m confident that wherever He leads will be much better than anything that I could ever dream of.
